Well,

 

It’s 2019 and EVERYONE has a plan, a scheme, and something for you to sign up and pay for so that you might live your best life. For me, the jury is still out on that ‘Best Life’ thing – whether you subscribe to it and are embracing it to mean that you are going to do and be all things that are predestined for you; or if you’re just saying it so you can live your best hoe life, do you girl!

However. For some of us, living our best life really just means that we want to take control of our circumstances, and the lives we are or aren’t currently living. This isn’t a ‘New Year, New Me’ gimmick, some of us are legit exhausted with the way we’ve been doing life, and the truth is, – we are MF Tied.

If you too fall into that category, I cordially invite you to ‘Stop Hurting Your Own Damn Feelings,’ so that you too, can command the life you’re living or not living and start moving in the direction of peace, freedom, and an amazing sense of self-awareness.

I know you’re wondering, “what does it mean to hurt your own damn feelings? And how does she know that I am? Cause I ain’t!”

Oh Girl, BUT YOU ARE.

As a whole, we as women, and men if you’re reading this as well, have a tremendous amount of unresolved trauma from a million different experiences that we’ve survived, lived through, or just barely made it out of. It could be how you were raised, or who you were raised by that’s causing you all kinds of current grief. It could be what happened to you when you were six when a girl called you fat, or the first time someone told you crying didn’t make you a man. And while a lot of these traumas and tragedies are not our fault, as they happened TO us, it is our responsibility to work through that stuff so that it doesn’t rule our current and present-day lives. Let me stop you here. If you are a person that subscribes to, “out of sight, out of mind,” this is NOT the place for you. Though we may try with all our might to block these experiences out, to act like they didn’t hurt us, to pretend like we’re not haunted and bothered by what we’ve been through – We be lyin! Periodt.

So here’s where we are hurting our own damn feelings. First, not acknowledging some of these traumas is the number one way we hurt ourselves. We find ourselves in these cycles of toxic relationships, broken friendships, self-esteem based on the affirmations of others, and the need to chase down these material things to bind up these emotional and psychological voids. I truly believe these issues that we have running in the background of our lives, fuel the decisions we do and don’t make in our lives today. Maybe you’re stuck, and don’t know what to do with your life. Maybe you’re like me, and are just holding on for dear life, hoping that life starts to do some stuff that is recognizable! Maybe you’re taking stock of where you’ve been, what you’ve done, and freaking out because it doesn’t seem like “enough.” All of these things stem from some stuff we been through but aren’t really acknowledging or taking responsibility for.

Here’s where the accountability comes in, and if I lose you – I promise you, I didn’t mean to upset you, but at a certain point in time, we gotta call a spade, a spade! If we can be truly honest with ourselves, we can really look back and see where we put ourselves into some of the dumbest situations, that we knew didn’t make sense, that we knew may turn out to be trash, uncertain, life-altering, and downright ridiculous. I’m telling you. If you go back and be honest with yourself about what in you attracted you to some of those people you linked up with, that made you want to be in those places you KNEW you had no business being in, you could see how not being accountable for self has allowed you to continue to repeat those cycles, those things in the church we call, “generational curses, soul-ties, and so forth.”

Let’s look at an example. Say, for instance, your baby daddy is straight TRASH. He really might be. He doesn’t help, he doesn’t provide, he considers spending time with the child, “babysitting,” he’s never bought a pamper, and he doesn’t have to rearrange his life around daycare, sickness, and school schedules. He’s trash. As a result of this, you find yourself MF Pissed. You never imagined you’d raise your kid alone. You wanted to provide the family that you never had to your baby. You didn’t plan on being a single mother – Maybe if you’re REAL honest, you didn’t plan on being a mother at all. But here you are, a single mother with a turd for a baby daddy, trying to make it work and not lose sight of the dreams you did or didn’t have for yourself. ALL OF THAT IS VALID SIS!

BUT.

Here’s where you be real with yourself about how you got here. If you think back, Ol’ boy was trash, to begin with, but you were tired of waiting for someone or something better so you went with it. He had a terrible work history, and couldn’t keep a job. Kinda moved around and slept from place to place couch surfing at his cousin’s house. And he was never doing much for you when y’all started dating. But. It as something and someone to do. I know, sometimes you get bored and get to flirting, and …what’s there to lose. But again, now we’re here. I am challenging all of us to be RAW and DISGUSTINGLY honest with ourselves about the decisions we’ve made based on our unresolved issues, drama, and trauma that allow us to be stuck, dealing with all this negative stuff in our lives today.

So. That’s what we’ll do here. Because I want us to literally live our best lives. Some of us have been dying with our eyes open for over 20, or 30 plus years. it’s time to find out why we are the way we are. Why are we attracted to F*ck boys? What about us, keeps us in friendships with the messiest, most disrespectful Heffas we’ve ever met? Why can’t we be friends with other women? Why do we secretly HATE being a parent? Why can’t we really trust men, and what happened that makes us afraid to be vulnerable.

You gotta take ownership of your life! It’s LITERALLY, YOUR LIFE. You get to dictate what goes on in it, what you do with it, and how it’s going to go. Let’s look at those things that stop us from living our best lives. For real. We’re not here to say positive vibes only, and not really mean that. I am not encouraging you to cut everyone off because its everyone else that has the problem. No. I am encouraging you to separate yourself from everyone and evaluate what problems you have. What toxic traits are you carrying around? What toxic behaviors do you bring to a relationship? A friendship? What are you REALLY looking or when you’re looking for a mate? Are you looking for love, or are you looking for help? Are you looking for a helpmate, or are you looking for a mother? A Father?

As my Girlllllll Ms. Iyanla would say, “You can’t heal what you won’t reveal, and you’ve got to clear somethings up for yourself.” Let’s go there! Let’s see what’s really good? After all, if you’re truly tired of not living – you have ABSOLUTELY nothing to lose, and everything to gain. If you can be truly honest and vulnerable with your own self, you will begin to take over the reins and move your life in the direction you’ve always wanted to see it go, but never imagined it could.

Oh. Honesty is brutal. It’s going to suck. But it will save your life. And you can do it. You lived through some hellacious ish. You passed a set, or more of shoulders through your Vag. Trust me. You got this!